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Go home drunk you are cat _ Costa Rica
Solomon Islands, MD
This is off topic for me. More than ever today & tonight I want to call some one. Some one I shouldn’t let be in my life. Cutting them out seems insane. I’m pulled to this person like they are a part of my soul.This puzzles me.
There have been 4 times when I loved a person with a passion that poets talk about with that van Gogh ear cutting intensity. Two of them it was like playing a game were the opposition is sitting on the bench. No matter how much you want to play and you encourage them it still takes two to tango. Walking away isn’t easy but eventually its just the matter of fact thing to do.
The 3rd was when planets just weren’t aligned. There was so much love but timing, distance, and circumstances weren’t right. He still loved some one else. We tried but he wasn’t ready. Tragic part was he came to me when he was and I had become the person hung up on another…
The last was the one I would be with forever. Nothing has ever felt more right for me. We met 7 years before but he was just an acquaintance over time. Then there he was again. I saw him every few days then on a whim after months I asked him out…On that first day I knew this one was different. In a few months I knew he was the one…Its weird how thinks work out..
Leaving Steven…this has been an experience completely different. It was walking away from a part of me. Like I was splitting off a piece of my body. There is that idea in marriage that two people become one. With him I knew what that was.
Steven wasn’t my soul mate. I've had a soul mate and that is a shared conscious or soul in different bodies. Jim & I could see something with our separate physical eyes then look at each other and just smile. We were different physical forms but we shared a soul so we didn't need words to know that we both had the same thoughts or feelings. When I said I loved him I know he knew what I felt. Unfortunately he didn't have the same feelings himself. While it hurt then I appreciate that he didn't try to fake it. Perhaps it was our connection that gave him the courage to be so honest when he said I don't love you.
That isn’t what I shared with Steven. Far from it. :) We often misunderstood each other and were completely wrong when it came to understanding the other person’s thoughts/feelings/intentions. Sometimes I wonder how the hell I could love this person at all. Despite that I have a connection to him that is perhaps the other side of the coin from a soul mate.
Within the first hour of our first date I KNEW this was different… It was like a light suddenly coming on. Not an idea or inspiration but more like you are walking in the dark then you see a light. There is fear, relief, curiosity, excitement…I had expected the grey of Kansas but then suddenly in one sentence the door opened to the colorful world of OZ.
By the end of that first night not only was I curiously following my white rabbit into Neverland but I had met the Hatter, Catapiller, and Cheshire Cat. It was all so interesting. I still held back. I was no stranger to love & heart break. :P Despite that I tumbled down the rabbit hole.
A month later I knew I’d marry this man. While traveling half a world away I slept on a train and had a dream. I saw our wedding, our first born son, and our married life. This wasn’t a fantasy it was a memory. As if we’d lived this life before. I’m not normally one to think about alternately realities or past lives but that is the only thing I can compare it to. This wasn’t a hope or feeling this was something that was fact.
With Jim I shared a soul but with Steven I shared my physical being. The two of us were one. Like a gangrenous limp he is a poison. I know he will kill me but it is still so hard to sever that connection. How to you cut off a part of yourself?
So tonight I write this instead of reaching out for that piece of me that is missing. Funniest part is a few weeks ago I had a friend who said she had never had a connection with some one she wasn’t willing to just let go. Every person she’d dated when the relationship was over she’d waved good bye. There was a person in her life who she might feeling that passion crazy attachment to. She asked should she take it?
YES! Without even a pause, second thought, or warning I said YES! Even after a moment of consideration I knew this was right! If you’ve never felt that love sick crazy that poets write about you aren’t living life. If you can’t relate to Gotye’s ‘Somebody I use to know’ or Adele’s ‘Rolling In the Deep’ or Pink’s ‘So What’ or Alanis Morissette’s ‘You Oughta know’…hell even Wrecking Ball…then you can’t know the bliss of true love.
Love is this colorful OZ in a grey world! It requires to make yourself so vulnerable that you could break under a devastating pain. It is worth it. When you’ve experienced the pain of heart break then seen the love of those couples who took the gamble & it paid off….It gives me hope. Not hope that I will find what they have. Instead a hope and faith is the mix of yin & yang that balances the universe.
This made my day
Something that one person considers worthless may be considered valuable by someone else
Solomons island, MD
Extra Life is complete! Team Carfax made over $2,700 for it! We played Damned as our favorite game. Check out this hilarious video!
Halloween 2013 Columbia MO